My Lightbulb Moment

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They say that everyone has a lightbulb moment when they embark on a weight loss or fitness journey, for some its not fitting into their favourite pair of jeans, for others its a holiday photo, maybe not being able to do the belt up on flight or on a theme park ride, mine happened back in December 2011, when I was diagnosed with chronic depression, my life seemed to be crumbling around me, problems everywhere, none that were actually mine but all of which that I was being left to sort out

A few days before Christmas my Doctor gave me an ultimatum, either be signed off from work sick for 6 weeks to give me time to rest & recouparate or be hospitalized with the depression

I begged that neither be forced upon me, I had the days between Christmas and New Year booked off from work already and had a few days away with my husband planned, I promised my Doctor that I would do my best to implement some changes and he gave e a reprieve until 2nd January 2012

Well the 19th December 2011, will be a day that will be engraved in my memory forever, its the day I decided to change my life, like I said none of the problems that were causing me stress were actually mine, but each other people were depending on me to resolve, well now I was planning to take a step back, stop putting others first, make some time for me and be a bit selfish

I sat my husband down for a long chat, there were tears, he was one of the people who had inadvertently landed me with stress, he promised that 2012 would all be about me and he would support me in whatever i needed to do to get better

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Although my weight wasn’t really an issue i weighed 148lb it was approx 10lbs away from where i am more comfortable, it was the one thing I could 100% control so it was the problem I decided to tackle first, so I rejoined Weight Watchers (crazy right? who joins Weight Watchers 6 days before Christmas) I didn’t expect to lose loads but I hoped to limit what I would usually gain to around 2lbs, & part of me controlling my weight was to start doing some activity, I made a pact with myself to restart the Couch to 5k program and walk or run every day and it worked when I went back to Weight Watchers on the 2nd January I had lost .5lb

The Doctor also noticed some changes, he said although, he thought I was far from cured he could see a sparkle in my eye he hadn’t seen for a year so he booked me in for weekly appointments for 6 weeks so he could monitor my progress

I made myself a challenge that every month in 2012 I had to do a different physical challenge, that ranged from swimming lessons, to running my first 5k, 10k & walking a half marathon, I went on fitness weekends and attended a residential bootcamp and in September 2012 I was finally allowed to come off my medication

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This also coincided nicely with me taking a huge leap of faith, after working full time for over 23yrs and having a very successful career, I decided to take a few months off for me, I completed a Nutrition course and qualified as a Level 2 Fitness Instructor, not to shabby for the girl who used to fake notes to skip gym class at school.

At first having a few months off seemed like a good idea but I easily got bored and needed a reason to get up in the morning, it was at that time I was approached by Weight Watchers to become a Leader & I can honestly say its a job I love, but at the moment I feel like a fraud, even though my members are aware of what has happened this year and they think it makes me human, I feel it makes me a fraud

2013 almost passed drama free , but in early December I found a lump in my left breast, at first my Doctor told me not to worry, it could be hormonal, I was told to wait 2 weeks, and then come back, it was still there, I was told I would be seen within 2 weeks under the fast track referral scheme, but with Christmas that 2 weeks became 4, to be honest I never really thought I had cancer but I hated that 10% of doubt that clouded me every day

& I know this is the most stupid thing ever but my main concern/upset was that my dream to run the 2014 London Marathon was slipping away from me, even if the lump was nothing, it may still have to be removed and with hospital waiting lists & recovery time it ruled me out, I think it was my way of coping and dealing with the delay in waiting for the tests, I became fixated in whether or not I could run the marathon

Eventually I had the tests and fortunately the lump was benign, it would need removing but not for several months but it was recommended I deferred my marathon place for a year

To be honest I am not really sure what happened next, work got crazy, I started working a 100hr weeks in what was meant to be a part time job, I wasn’t planning my meals, there was no time for running, but hey i’d deferred my place so there was no reason to run & I think for the first time since Christmas 2011 I had lost my drive & focus & here I am September 2014, 28lbs heavier than I was 12 months ago when I ran my first Half Marathon

& so here I am starting my journey again and asking you to support and maybe join me as I believe whatever goals we set ourselves we can achieve if we work hard enough

What was your lightbulb moment?

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One thought on “My Lightbulb Moment

  1. Such a lovely post Nikki. I have rejoined WW’s and my plan is to get back exercising. I honestly havent done much since the marathon!! I went for my first outside run on Sunday, yesterday was painful, and today I have pole and tone! So I feel in control and already feel happier and I’m only 3 days in. Good luck, you can do it!! If you need a running partner (although I am a beginner again) at times you know were to shout!! xx

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