Tag: wellbeing

Anxiety, Depression & Me

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General

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More or less everyone you will ever meet will have a story, whether they choose to tell you that story is another matter, I’d like to think my friends and family are all happy but it’s amazing what a smile can hide

I’m generally an open book, people have often told me I’m too honest for my own good, I started this blog as a personal journal & because of that I intend to be as honest as possible with it & in this post, I want to try and explain what sometimes goes on in my head

I have suffered from depression & anxiety for many years, I was first diagnosed in 2001, after losing a grandparent, my best friend to suicide, and friends and colleagues in the 9/11 tragedies in quick succession, to be honest, I don’t think I was actually suffering from depression at that time, more like shock, those occurrences are a lot for anyone to go through and deal with, I was put on tablets but I only took them for a few weeks, I was very aware that my friend had used antidepressants in her overdose and yes I was upset but who wouldn’t be going through what I went through in such a short space of time

I’ve always been the type of person to throw myself into my work, possibly bury my head in the sand and looking back that is exactly what I done here & in this instance it worked perfectly for me

Fast forward 10yrs and yet again I was diagnosed with depression, life was particularly manic, as well as working long hours in my full-time job my husband and I had decided to go into partnership with a friend running a pool club business, within months there were cracks in what had been a very good friendship, our friend ran two other successful businesses and it had been agreed he would handle the paperwork we would do the manual stuff, unfortunately, it became apparent very quickly our friend had over-committed himself time-wise, timekeeping was never his strong point but when it came to opening the club, we’d presumed he’d be more present, but no, on the days it was his turn to open more often than not we’d get calls from customers telling us they were outside and unable to get in, if we tried to discuss it with him it would turn into an argument & my husband was doing a ‘me’ and burying his head in the sand for the sake of their friendship

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I had a relative who for many years had been very withdrawn & who even as a child I thought had some kind of mental health issues, but had never received the support they needed from his Dr, he was going through a particularly hard time, I was the only relative within 100 miles, I was trying to help, fighting for him to get the support they needed, so I had a lot going on

It was a very dark time for me, I felt like I had all these problems yet none of them was within my control, my Dr wanted to sign me off sick and I begged him not to, time off work would just give me a huge backlog to go back to and I’m someone who has to keep busy, giving me time off is not a good idea for me, time alone inside my own brain is not a good idea.

I was put on tablets again this time I felt a difference within a few days just like this edge had been taken off things I ended up being on the tablets for a year, during that time I made some big changes one of which was to reclaim control of my life, 2011 had been pretty much devoted to my husband and friends business which had got me nowhere positive.

I set myself small physical challenges, I’ve never been an active person but what I did know was when things got tough going for a walk or a short run used to clear my head, I restarted the c25k program, I attended a Bootcamp, I even gave up my job & done my Level 2 Fitness Instructors course something friends from school would never have believed of the girl who faked notes to get out of PE

Touchwood the following 2yrs went past without any problems but in January 2015 and without any warning it started to happen again, this time was different there was no reason for it, life was good, but silly things started to get on top of me, some friends and I had had a trip to Centre Parcs organised for 18mths I’d been looking forward to it since the day we booked it, one day everyone had been chatting about the trip on Facebook & Whatsapp and I come out of work to over 100 messages, now I know that’s a lot but it doesn’t really take long to go through but rather than be able to read them I started to shake, I felt sick, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. A few days later I was actually physically sick when I picked up my phone and saw a similar amount of messages, what most people would just deal with I felt suffocated by, I started to fear checking my phone, I tried to explain to my friends what was going on but when it didn’t make sense to me how could I explain it properly to them so I started to withdraw

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A few weeks later I had an accident while out running which lead to me being stuck indoors in a cast for 4 months, and as I’ve previously mentioned giving me to much time to think is not a good thing I’m someone that needs to be kept busy, I went into such a dark place I can’t even bring myself to write about it, I don’t even speak to the girls I had the planned Centre Parcs trip with anymore, I would have been in the cast during our visit to Centre Parcs, the girls tried to adapt our original plans to accommodate me, hiring a car rather than getting the train, offering to get me a wheelchair to help me get around, giving me one of the single bed as I had to sleep in the cast rather than me sharing with someone, they were doing their best but with every offer of help a decision needed to be made & I just wasnt in the headspace to make those decisions, to me the simplest decision was to not go as a hilly hot tub holiday isnt exactly the ideal place for someone on crutches and in a cast, but they were my friends they wanted me to go, I understood that they wanted answers, if they needed to hire a car etc plans had to be made, but I wasn’t in a position to make those decisions, there was a chance I could be out of the cast & if thats they case I would love to have gone, but the thought of being over 150 miles away from home, in a place renowned for activity on crutches, relying on my friends to push me around, spoiling their weekend (although I’m positive even though we are no longer friends they would say pushing me in a wheelchair, having to change some of their activites wouldn’ have spoilt their weekend, me not being there is what would have spoiled it) but when you are suffering from anxiety and depression its hard to see reason, all I could feel was pressure, guilt, suffocation from the decisions that needed to be made and the fact that I could be stuck in a situation hundreds of miles away from home feeling claustrophobic, even typing this 4 years on I can feel my chest tightening, panic setting in that there was no escape if needed, I couldnt just use my usual coping mechanism of going for a walk if I needed some space

I tried to explain, they were aware I suffered from anxiety & depression but they just couldn’t understand & I get that, it’s hard to explain, even years later in a calmer state it’s hard to explain so I guess trying to verbalise it when you are on the verge of a panic attack was just gonna be am incoherent ramble so its no wonder they didn’t understand but it’s especially sad that when you need your friends the most you can lose them because you push them away because you need space, you need quiet, you can’t explain the anguish you are going through, all they see is someone constantly rejecting their offers of help

I don’t think I have ever really recovered from that time, it was my decision to walk away from that friendship group & it was 100% the right decision for me at that time, I instantly felt like a weight had lifted just like I do when I go for a run or a walk but I do feel a sadness that I wasn’t able to explain what I was going through better so they could have understood and given me the space I needed at that time

Thankfully over the last few years, people have really started to open up and speak out about their mental health, its discussed a  lot more in the press, I was lucky in that during my darkest times my husband was there, so I was never alone. It scares me that others could have been in the same position I was pushing away those that care & potentially ending up alone which could lead to an even darker place

I want to say things are better but honestly, I am not sure they are,  I have good spells & bad spells, we moved house just over 2 years ago and I love our new home but I definitely didn’t think through the practicalities of it, I don’t drive and have always lived within walking distance of a train station, trains or buses running every few minutes, pretty much 30 minutes from anywhere I’ve ever wanted to go, now I’m 2 miles from a station, buses once an hour, trains every 30 minutes once you’ve got to a station, my average journey now 90 minutes, the suffocation feeling has started again, despite being outside I can feel trapped because everything feels so far away, I don’t see friends as not only is the journey long, I panic they’ll be train delays cancellations and it will take even longer, that I won’t be able to get home, this hasn’t happened it’s just a fear, a fear that’s preventing me from even trying

Some days I stand up to that fear, but they are generally on occasions I have planned to do stuff alone, like go and watch the London Marathon for example, I can guarantee until the last minute I will be changing my mind as to whether I go or not and strangely on those days I actually manage to get out of the door & I think that’s because there is no pressure from anyone else, if I change my mind last minute the only person I have let down is myself

I haven’t been on my medication for a while when we moved I struggled to get registered with a new Dr so run out of tablets felt okish so just never went back, I feel like its time to have that chat again, I feel like they might clear that fuzz that’s in my head 24/7 and might help me with energy/motivation and general zest of life, I am not working at the moment, I took a time out in 2016 to help with my mental health but in hindsight, the loss of routine and to much time with my own thoughts have had the opposite effect, but with it being a new year, a new decade I think I owe it to myself to start living my best life and to do that I need to help my head get happy again

I originally wrote this post way back in 2016 but never had the courage to post it, I have always been open in that I struggle with anxiety and depression but maybe not this open and to be honest as I have mentioned in this post I am not sure what I wrote made sense, reading it back now, I am still not sure it makes sense but I feel that’s the exact reason I need to post it, not necessarily for those struggling with similar problems but hopefully for their friends and family to see, so they can understand why one of their loved ones has become withdrawn and may be pushing them away,

If I can help just one friend or family member understand the confusion going on in our head then writing this down, reading it over, the moment of panic as I start to relive those darkest of moments will have been worth sharing my story

Whose Parkrunning this weekend?

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General, Races & Race Reviews

 

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In case you don’t know Parkrun is a free to enter 5k event that takes place in hundreds of locations across the globe every Saturday morning (normally 9am in the UK), you just need to make sure your register on the Parkrun website first to get your own personalised barcode to ensure your time gets recorded
While many people are loyal to their local Parkrun, Parkrun Tourism or Parkrun challenges are growing in popularity
I’ve only ever taken part in Parkrun a handful of times, but its something I definitely plan to change in 2020 & have challenged myself to visit a different Parkrun each month, starting with my local events Orsett, Billericay, Valentines, Mile End, Southend, Barking, Chelmsford, Gorleston, Dartford, Harrow Lodge and Raphaels.
As I mentioned earlier Parkrun challenges are becoming popular, with the alphabet challenge being the most popular, attending a Parkrun beginning with every letter of the Alphabet, its definitely not the easiest of challenges I believe J & Z are only possible to complete if you are prepared to get on a plane but a little ‘Runcation’ could be fun right?
Or there’s is the Pirate challenge where you have to complete 7 Parkruns beginning with the letter C & one beginning with the letter R, this challenge is definitely easier than the alphabet challenge and could be a fun one to start with
Or Parkrun Bingo consists of finishing a Parkrun for every second on a stopwatch so all of your Parkrun finish times finish in different seconds
Find out more about Parkrun & each of the challenges below and let me know if you know you’re favourite Parkrun & why or maybe you know of another Parkrun challenge, please share I’m all for making activity as fun as possible
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The Alphabet Challenge
The Pirate Challenge
Parkrun Stopwatch Bingo

(Please note that none of these challenges are official Parkrun challenges & you do not have to do the events listed to complete the challenge if you have other local Parkruns that fit into the challenge & the links provided are either to the Parkrun blog or to other Parkrun fans blogs)

Don’t Judge a Stranger, You Never Know What They Are Battling

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General

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I saw this article a few months ago and while I wholeheartedly agree with most points made, there is one sentence that is really niggling me, that months later, I can’t stop thinking about and is beginning to annoy me

‘Every single person in the history of the world has A TON OF WILLPOWER.

You have the willpower to get up every day and go to work’

I have probably taken the sentence in the totally wrong way, but it’s a flippant comment that getting out of bed and going to work is easy, it’s a given that its something we do automatically without thinking about it and that’s just not true for everyone, it’s not true of me

I gave up my job back in 2016 to try and salvage my mental health, almost every day despite having 10hrs sleep I still struggle to get out of bed and when I do I am still exhausted & have zero energy or motivation to do whatever I had planned for that day, even if its something enjoyable like lunch with friends

Whether they are suffering from physical or mental health issues for many getting out of bed is difficult, I remember an occasion where I was sick in a bin outside my office because I was in such a dark place mentally and didn’t think I could put on the fake smile that day & pretend that everything was ok

One of the reasons I stopped working in 2016 was to try and improve my mental health, but I actually think it’s had the opposite effect, I have lost all routine & structure in my life, I no longer have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, to many I have the perfect life, all I have to do with my week is go for a walk, a run or a fitness class, do some studying, a bit of housework, meet a friend for a coffee or lunch, yet all I manage to achieve most weeks is a walk or run most mornings as I force myself out as I know no matter how hard it is to get out of the door, it will make me feel a bit better about myself but that’s it one constructive hour a day

I haven’t seen some of my closest friends for over a year, because I have developed an anxiety about being too far from home, about being on public transport (I don’t drive) not to mention the fact that they will be able to see right through me & know my heads not happy.

So do you see what I mean?

It’s not as simple as getting out of bed and going to work for many of us, just to get that far is a huge battle

All of the above said I 100% agree with the rest of the article, it’s not recognising the value of our goals that stop us achieving them, we don’t give them enough priority, we don’t believe they are worth the time they take to achieve & we don’t value & believe in ourselves enough to give them the time and hard work they need

– I have always said to make an activity a genuine part of your life it needs to be something you enjoy, going to a dance class or for a walk or a run with a friend, you won’t even realise you are exercising if you find the right class for you

– Don’t worry what others think, believe me, they are more worried about their own workout than they are about yours, I actually posted exactly this a few months ago about my Clubbercise class, so many times I noticed I was going in the opposite direction to everyone else, often I stopped just to watch the steps as my brain couldn’t take them in and move at the same time, I am by far the least coordinated person in the class, I have been attending for 4 months and honestly couldn’t tell you any of the routines but I don’t care and neither does anyone else & I really enjoy it (obviously being that Clubbercise is in the dark helps but I enjoy Zumba in just the same way)

– Be realistic with your goals I needed/need to lose 4st, if I went on google I can find a million stories of people losing that kind of weight in a few months, but I know weight loss that quick isn’t healthy it’s not sustainable, so instead I’ve decided that I am in it for the long haul, I have given myself a year and I review that regularly and if that time frame needs extending so be it, I don’t want my diet to be restricted, I don’t want to have be exercising every day, I don’t want to give up the foods I love, I want something realistic and sustainable & something that I am happy to continue once my body is where I want it to be

– I totally understand the I have a lot on, I am stressed and adding another thing (exercise) to my to-do list is just adding to my stress but honestly it really does help. I remember when I worked in the city and I used to work 7am to 7pm with almost an hours commute each way on top of that, exercise definitely wasn’t a priority,

I remember once I had had a particularly stressful day, on top of that the trains were delayed but id promised to meet a friend for a run, we wouldn’t be heading out until almost 9pm, I hadn’t even had dinner, oh and it had been snowing, I really wanted to cancel but I hate letting people down, I stomped around the house getting ready for my run. I wasn’t in the mood for chit chat on the run, but honestly, within a few minutes I felt the stress lifting, like weights being removed from my shoulders and I actually returned with a smile on my face.

Its the number one reason why even when I don’t feel like it I manage to drag myself out for a walk most days as it lifts my head out of that funk, I promise it works give it a try, if you are having a tough day at work go for a 20-minute walk in your lunch break, it will help

– You don’t believe in yourself, you don’t believe you can achieve your goals so why put in the effort, this one is a constant battle for me but what’s the saying, ‘Nothing worth having is easy’ I can guarantee if you were to share your fears with friends and family, they would all have opposite opinions to yours, it amazes me that we can see the greatness in others but never in ourselves, so stop believing that voice in your head and start believing in yourself, start living to your full potential, yes your health and fitness goals may take some time, but that time is going to pass anyway & you are worth it!!

2020 Goals & Ambitions

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General

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New Years Resolutions…. Love them or hate them?

Personally setting myself goals usually works for me, I try and make them realistic, things that with a bit of effort will definitely be achievable, over the last few years I’ll be honest I’ve failed at more than I’ve succeeded at but that’s life & I don’t beat myself up about those I don’t achieve.

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This year I have set myself 10 goals, when I was thinking about them last week it felt like a lot but they felt totally achievable, in fact, the only one I was worried about was my ‘Meat Free Mondays’ now if I am honest they feel like a lot but I don’t have to achieve them all at once I have a whole 12 months, in fact, I have already achieved one and made progress on another few.

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On Sunday I completed my Leadership in Running Fitness course, this one has been a goal of mine for so many years, when my head is in the game I love running, I love the sense of pride it gives me, I love that when I’m in a funk it clears my head & I want to get into a place where I am loving running again & loving how it makes me feel, so I can share that with others & plan to offer a free c25k style run club with a local Mental Health Charity

I’ve also lost some weight, only 2.4lbs (around 1kg) which considering I’m only one week on I’m really pleased with 28.6lbs to go – I plan to do a monthly update on my weight loss, hopefully with some nice recipe ideas but I need to up my game taking food photos, oh & I’ve also done my first Meat Free Monday, I don’t think I could ever go full-on vegetarian even though I really love animals, but I feel like even just by doing one day a week I am doing my bit

I have also been given the opportunity to earn some money, my friend Julie has invited me to help her with her online running community Too Fat to Run, I am really enjoying helping out and was already an avid fan & follower of the community before I started helping & actually helping in the group has highlighted another goal which already in my mind needed to be a priority for me in 2020,

Establishing a routine, I really think having some routine in my life will help my mental health too, I don’t have a full-time job so my days are mine yet so often I manage to accomplish absolutely nothing, over the last few weeks I have started making myself daily to-do lists on my phone which I then tick off as I complete each task, it’s definitely helping but there’s still room for improvement

I am so excited by the opportunity that Julie has offered me and I know I can offer her so much more support if I can be better organised, I feel like I need a schedule, I haven’t set an alarm for years & maybe I need to start, be up at 7.30am, out of the house by 9 for my workout, lunch at 12.30pm, TFTR work from 12.30-1.30pm kind of thing, then, then my afternoons are free for study, housework etc – Watch this space on that one

The others are a work in progress, I have a list of Parkruns I want to try and think I will be doing my first next weekend, my nutrition course I have already decided I am putting to one side until February (I want to establish a routine first and catch up on some life admin), finding my fitness mojo seems to be my biggest struggle at the moment, I just can’t seem to find my motivation, I signed up to Red January which I thought would really inspire me to move every day even if it was just for a 30-minute walk, but I think being ill for the first 5 days has thrown me off and I feel like I am in that already failed mentality, yet the reality is the idea behind RED January is to move more as it’s proven to improve our mental health, its meant to be a positive thing but I am allowing it to be a negative, but no more, I am drawing a line & creating a workout schedule which includes all my favourite activities so it feels like fun rather than a chore

I will keep you posted every few months with how I am getting on with my goals, let me know what your thoughts are on resolutions/goal setting, did you set yourself some goals for the year, feel free to share so we can help motivate each other?

 

 

Alternative race recovery or a spot of relaxation

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General, Product Reviews

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If like me you are taking part in Run Hackney this weekend, then you might want to think about treating yourself to a relaxing post race float at Floatworks

I am sure you have already heard about the benefits of Epsom Salts to help ease the pain of aching muscles, well times that by 100 as you step into the biggest bath of Epsom Salts ever, imagine how good that’s going to make those aching muscles feel?

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When I had a job in the City I used to have monthly floats at the Floatwork studio in London Bridge, at first I was nervous as I suffer from claustrophobia & a fear of water (I  can’t swim), so the  first time I visited I left the tank door open until I relaxed (don’t worry you are always in a private room), I am not entirely sure how my friend convinced me to go for my first float – it was probably the lure of a Groupon offer, but I am glad she did, as with a demanding career my monthly floats soon became a really good way to relax & have some me time, an hour to switch off and unwind

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Following a change of ownership & move from London Bridge to Vauxhall, I was really excited to be invited down for a float to celebrate Floatworks relaunch at the start of April, the new studio is situated just a 2 minute walk from Vauxhall Station & is designed to ensure complete tranquility during your visit

When you arrive you are asked to complete a short questionnaire before the float process is explained to you, you are then invited to leave coats, bags shoes etc in a locker & before you are shown to your private room, the rooms are small but adequate, and contain the tank and your own private shower

In the room you are left a towel, some ear plugs and vaseline to cover any cuts or grazes, before you are left to undress/change and enjoy your float session.

As I mentioned in the past I have found the sessions so relaxing I have fallen asleep, I’m one of those people that find it very hard to switch off from daily life, unfortunately this time I was a bit like ‘ohh I wonder if I can snap a quick selfie to share on Instagram’

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Post float, you  have a shower, shower gels, shampoo and conditioners are all supplied, before getting dressed and being invited to spend some time in the Floatworks  chill out area, where they offer complimentary juices and green teas, they even have a hair care area complete with hair dryers, straightners

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So would I recommend Floatworks, absolutely, I definitely intend to go back myself, I had planned to go after the marathon but unfortunately stairs were not my friend so I couldn’t face the trip into London.

If I were asked for feedback, my suggestions would be a hook somewhere in the room to hang clothes, offer clients two towels, if you have women attending one isn’t enough when you are encouraged to sort your hair out in a room upstairs & maybe a bath pillow, the pillow won’t fit with the luxe feel of Floatworks but for first time floaters who may take a little time to relax these will definitely stop you coming out with neck ache (& on a personal note pack a toiletry bag with deodorant, hairbrush etc to take into the float room, rather than leaving them in your locker and then having to make a dash to the loo to put on deodorant and run a comb through your soaking wet hair)

Want to know a bit more about what floating is and the benefits of it, here’s a snippet I have pinched from the Floatworks website

So what is Floating 

Floatation therapy at The Floatworks is the practice of lying back effortlessly in one of our world leading i-sopod floatation tanks and drifting into a blissful, deep, meditative state that rejuvenates and revives your mind and body.

Here comes the technical bit!

Also known as floatation & float therapy, the floatation experience is delivered through a super-saturated Epsom-salt solution, 25cm deep and containing 525kg of magnesium rich Epsom-salts.

Floatation Therapy

The solution is heated to skin temperature (35.5°C) and the environment in the tank is controlled so that the air is also skin temperature. Once you are settled, it is impossible to tell which parts of your body are in the water and which are not.

This creates an environment similar to that of the Dead Sea but without the sensation of temperature or movement, which lets you float effortlessly on the surface of the water, enjoying a feeling of total freedom & weightlessness!

Our Isopod tanks are the best on earth, specifically designed to block out all external distractions including sight, sound, tactile sensations and gravity. This environment brings long lasting and transformational experiences.

Floating has become increasingly popular, as more people have learnt about floatation therapy’s remarkable benefits.

So why float

In summary, floatation therapy is awesome!

We are still exploring the depths of the benefits, and this long list will get longer as each year goes by and floatation therapy becomes ever more popular:

General well-being
  • Promotes total calm and peaceful relaxation
  • Eliminates fatigue and jet lag
  • Improves sleep
  • Alleviates stress (mental and physical)
  • Energises, rejuvenates and revitalises
  • Increases motivation, diminishes depression, anxiety and fear
  • Facilitates freedom from habits, phobias and addictions
Mental benefits of floatation
  • Stimulates left/right brain synchronisation
  • Shifts brain waves from beta to lower frequency alpha, theta and even delta
  • Creates mental clarity, alertness
  • Increases creativity, problem solving
  • Heightens visualisation
  • Deepens meditation
  • Expands awareness, intensifies acuteness of all the senses, accelerates learning
  • Enhances hypnotherapy and self-hypnosis
Physical benefits of floatation
  • Decreases the production of cortisol, ACTH, lactic acid and adrenaline
  • Increases production of endorphins
  • Speeds up rehabilitation and recovery
  • Relieves pain (arthritis, migraines, injuries and so on)
  • Boosts immune function
  • Improves circulation and distribution of oxygen and nutrients
  • Reduces blood pressure, pulse, heart rate and oxygen consumption
  • Improves athletic performance
  • Helps prevent sports injuries, speeds healing process

Have you ever tried Floating or is it something you’d like to try?

Floatworks currently have some fantastic opening offers and are also offering a  20% discount if you use the code MYFLOAT this discount CAN be used in conjunction with their other offers

 

NB : I was offered a complimentary float from Floatworks to celebrate their launch weekend, I was not asked to write a blog post in return but as I enjoyed it so much & had previously paid to visit I wanted to share my experience

Getting my fit & healthy back

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in Weight Loss

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Half of me is ashamed of this photo the other half is proud

The reason why I am partially ashamed is that I know I have regained weight, I thought that training for the marathon would help me lose weight, the reality was even though I knew it was going to make my journey harder the stress of the training the worry that something would go wrong again made me reach for the chocolate comfort blanket

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But then I look at the photo & think I was smiling as I passed the Houses of Parliament at 25 miles I literally skipped around that corner, so proud of what I had achieved & I know that the same determination that wouldn’t let me give up on my London Marathon dream is going to be the same determination that gets me back to goal

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(excuse the dodgy toenails)

Friday morning I stepped back on the scales, I knew I wouldn’t like what I see but I was no longer afraid to face it, I know you have heard me say it so many times but I really feel like I have it this time, I feel like the Marathon was something so overwhelming for me it took all my focus and now that’s over its time to focus on me again.

I will document my journey on here via a weekly roundup post every Saturday, but if you would like to keep a closer eye on me check out my Instagram where I talk all things food, weight loss and fitness

 

My London Marathon

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in Races & Race Reviews

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Over a week has passed and I still do not know how to put the 24th April into words

I suppose the best place to start is September 2013 when I first found out that I had received  ballot place into the 2014 London Marathon, excitement, disbelief, shock, I can still remember being at work & staring at the computer thinking WTF?!

I had entered the ballot with a group of friends most of whom had tried for many years to get a place in this world famous race, apparently your chance of being successful in the ballot is less than 15% but guess who got a place…. ME!!!

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Unfortunately in the December of 2013 I found a lump in my left breast, tests in the January showed that it was benign but the lump needed to be removed & I wouldn’t be able to exercise for 8 weeks after surgery, which would mean the marathon possibly being snatched away at the last moment, so after a lot of sleepless nights & tears I decided to defer my place until 2015 & concentrate on being cheer squad for 3 friends that were running the 2014 race

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Fast forward a year and many of you will know the story of my torn calf muscle leaving me in a cast for 3 months, missing out yet again & forfitting my ballot place (if you do not know the story you can read about it here) this left me being cheer squad yet again, this time for my husband and another friend

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I am not sure if I even actually had a London Marathon dream but if I did its safe to say it had turned into a nightmare & in October 2015 when I was offered a charity spot by Diabetes UK I really wasn’t sure whether to take it or not. I had spoken to my physio and while my leg was better it still wasn’t 100% healed & the physios advice was while my leg probably could make the distance, it probably wasn’t the best idea to be considering a marathon so soon

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I have always had a habit of only hearing what I want to hear when I speak to Drs, so of course I accepted the place and slowly I started to build up my mileage again, with runs at the Olympic Park, the Fords test track & the Roding Valley Half Marathon

Early February the niggling pains in my left calf started to feel a little worse & I was scared that with the increased mileage I might get injured again so I paid for a private scan, the results were erm, neutral, while my leg hadn’t got any worse since the November it hadn’t got any better which I was told under normal circumstances wouldn’t be good news, but considering I was 3 months into marathon training the fact that it hadn’t deteriorated further could be considered a positive.

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Following a discussion with my physio it was suggested that I amend my training plan so that I was no longer doing a long run every weekend, as you can imagine that didn’t go down very well with me, I wanted to give my London Marathon training my all, I had races booked as part of my training, completing all your training is part of what makes you a marathoner

Looking at it now it was probably fortunate that fate intervened  at the end of February with a viral infection that knocked me out for over 6 weeks preventing me from doing any running at all, at the start of April I was struggling to walk a mile let alone run 26 of them but 2 courses of antibiotics, a course of 6 B12 injections & another trip to the hospital for another breast lump (luckily it was just a cyst) 3 weeks before the race you would think someone was trying to tell me that the London Marathon & I were not meant to be

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But the marathon had become my dream, I had been training for it for 3 years, I was in the worst condition of any of the 3 attempts to get to that start line I was 2st over weight and massively under trained but there was a medal with my name on it & I wanted it, I wanted it so bad.

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The lead up week to the marathon I expected to be a bag of nerves, there was emails from the race organisers, emails from the charity, txts from my friend that was running re going to the expo and getting to the race & well wishes from friends and family I had made a conscience decision to try & not get stressed about the run up to the event & it worked, I took each day as it come, entering the expo & hearing the music that accompanies the BBCs coverage of the race was the first sign of me cracking, as I walked to collect my number the tears started, I was actually going to do this, 2016 the London Marathon was going to be mine!

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After the expo we headed into London for some carb loading, we decided to head to Tower Hill in the hope of seeing the route being prepared and we wasn’t disappointed, the restaurant went to was right beside the 23 mile marker, Saturday was mainly spent eating, relaxing, eating, preparing my kit, before heading out for yet more food & the cinema with friends

I  hadn’t expected to sleep Saturday night, I thought nerves would get the better of me but I slept like a baby, my alarm was set for 6.45am, porridge eaten, peanut butter on toast & a banana to eat on the train were prepared & we were off

Again I had expected the nerves to really kick in once we hit Greenwich Park, but we had timed our arrival to perfection, arriving just in time to pop to the loo (we nipped into a hotel on the way to the park they had generously opened up a few rooms for people to use) dropped our bags at the baggage lorries & headed to our pen

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The week of the race weather forecasters had predicted snow, so Jemma and I had taken tops that could be dumped if we got to hot and disposable plastic rain macs to keep us warm at the the start, however when we arrived in the start pen it was warm, with lovely blue skies. More or less as soon as we arrived we heard the start gun over the tannoy, we were in the very back oh the final pen so there was plenty of time for us to get ourselves and our music ready, there were a few moments where I felt the tears start, in fact we approached the start line with me tearful hugging Jemma and telling her I loved her & thanking her for always being there for me & then we were off, we were together for around the first half mile and then split up as had always been our plan

The route surprised me, I expected it to feel a little claustrophobic, even when the 3 starts merged around the 5k mark I had more space to run than I had imagined, the first few miles were quite residential & well supported with people cheering us on, the first time I expected to see someone was around the 10k mark so just before the Cutty Sark, unfortunately I missed Julie an old work collegue there, again hearing from friends that had run before that missing friends and family can really mess with your head, I tried not to think about it as I knew missing Jason at Surrey Quays really might upset me, luckily  before I knew it I was at the Cutty Sark, so that gave me something else to think about, enjoy the race take in the sights & soak up the cheers

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(look both feet off the ground.. well almost)

I have gone along to Surrey Quays for so many years as a spectator it was weird being there as a runner, over the years it has gone from being a quiet part of the course as far as spectators are concerned to a busy spot (actually the whole route was pretty busy) but luckily I  spotted Jason straight away and headed over and stopped for quick hug and kiss

The viral infection I had suffered during March and my low B12 levels were already starting to show, I had hoped to get to around the 16 mile mark before the fatigue or any niggles kicked in but they hit me much earlier than I expected, luckily I had come prepared, dextrose, jelly babies, shot blocks and gels, I had enough fuel for 2 or 3 runners but it looked like I was going to need it all myself

At mile 10 a surprise and very welcome hug from Julie of Too Fat to Run fame (If you haven’t heard of Julie go & check out her page to find out more about her fantastic campaign to get more people running)

Just after seeing Julie I stopped for a quick Paula ie a pee behind  bush (the loo queues are ridiculous) & as I started to run again I felt a pinching in my right butt cheek, I tried to run it off but it was surprisingly painful, Mile 11 Jason popped up again, check out my Instagram to see a video clip of me running over for another hug & a kiss, just after seeing him I came across a few TEAMDUK runners so I ran with them to the approach to Tower Bridge where we hit out first Diabetes UK cheer station

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When you hear about people running the London Marathon Tower Bridge is normally one of their favourite points & usually I love running over the bridge but this time it was just to crowded & I couldn’t wait to get off the bridge, I had friends around the 13 mile marker so I wasn’t sure if they would be on the bridge or just after but there were just to many people, I was actually glad when I got to the 14 miles and I could stop looking for them and just start focusing on running again

Going along the Highway I expected seeing the faster runners on the other side of the road to be a hard point but something weird had happened, usually when I run my brain is constantly doing maths, I have done a 1/4 of the race a 1/3 of the race, half of the race but this time I didn’t care I remember thinking at the 14 mile point that I still have to do almost half the race again but rather than fear there was acceptance, Mile 15 & Julie who I had missed at the 10k mark popped up so another welcome hug received there, hugs from your friends and family really do seem to give you a boost & recharge your batteries

Mile 16 was the first time that I had slipped below my 5.30 marathon pace, I was 30 seconds slower than I should have been at that point, but again rather than panic or get upset as I knew it was only likely to get worse I just felt, I have ran 16 miles, I have felt shattered for the last 8, had a sharp pain in my butt for the last 6 but I have kept moving forward, so I couldn’t be disappointed

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I decided at mile 16 to try and eat half an energy bar, OMG I literally spent a mile trying to chew something that would normally only be a few mouthfuls, this saw me hitting mile 17 4 minutes behind schedule & was where I stopped thinking about my time, the next few miles saw us hitting Canary Wharf, I loved running around here and the miles seemed to pass quickly, before I knew it we were at the 20 mile marker and honestly if I had had to have stopped there, I would have stopped happy & satisfied with what I had accomplished, I remember running through mile 20 passing a pub with Jamiroquai Space Cowboy playing and stopping for a few seconds to have some water a few jelly beans and a bit of a dance with a stranger

Mile 21 I had been something I had been looking forward to, the support of Cheer Dem is well known at London races, not only do they cheer on members of their own running community Run Dem Crew but they also support all other runners, there is a stretch of road that they decorate with giant heads representing members of their crew that are running that day, I had banked on some virtual cheers here to recharge my batteries but while there were still people out, it wasn’t the powerful noise I had experienced at other races & that was the one & only part of the course that I come away from feeling flat

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(I didn’t take any photos on the course so I thought I would share my marathon nails)

Mile 21 – 23 were probably the dullest of the route, I had started to feel a little sick (to much sugar) & I couldn’t wait to get onto the home stretch, getting to mile 23 felt like coming home, I have walked and run along the embankment more times than I can remember, I just had that tunnel at Blackfriars to deal with and then we were on the home straight

Just after Mile 24 Jason appeared again, along with about half a dozen friends, quick hugs all round before moving on, it was hard to motivate yourself to run along this stretch as most people were walking so I made a deal with myself run 2 lamposts walk 1, & very quickly I was at Westminster just as Big Ben struck 4pm.

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I knew the Diabetes UK team had a cheer squad here so I literally went around the corner skipping and whopping much to their delight, having the whole team erupt into cheers and shouting my name gave me the boost to get me along to Birdcage Walk, again this became a run walk as I wanted to preserve energy to run along The Mall, with 385 meters to go I reached for my phone to try & film my last few steps, its weird how your legs suddenly have the energy  to keep moving when the finish line is in sight, all to quickly I had crossed the finish line, it seems strange to say all to quickly when you have been running for over 5.5hrs but thats honestly how I felt, it didn’t feel like it had taken that long, the wall that people had spoken about had never hit (actually it did about 8,30pm in the pub but thats another story)

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I had done it, I had completed the London Marathon & had the medal to prove it, only one thing to do, hit the pub for dinner and drinks with friends

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Would I do another marathon, I am not sure, I would love the opportunity to try the distance again, but with a marathon you pin all your hopes and dreams onto one day & there are so many things that are out of your control that can go wrong & I am not sure I want to put myself through the emotional aspect of marathon training again, its not like a 10k where if you need to cancel there will probably be another race locally the following weekend, that said the lure of the ballot caught me, so I guess I am leaving whether I will run the London Marathon again in the hands of fate

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Have you ever taken part in the London Marathon, what was your experience? or has reading this inspired you to apply for a ballot place? Entries to the 2017 ballot are now open, you can click here to apply… Good Luck!!

 

So what if I am being selfish?

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General

 

Sometimes you need to be

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As women we tend to feel the need to look after everyone, our friends our familes, in my case also my Weight Watchers members but whose looking out for me? & what happens if I’ve spent so much time running around after everyone else that I’ve made myself ill, then what happens?

This exact situation occurred last year and I learnt two things

1) those that have happily had you running around after them all year, will still expect that even when they can see your ill and it’s just not possible

2) eventually & it will take time they will learn to fend for themselves

Which is why this year I am taking a brave step, I’m admitting that I plan to be a bit selfish, that I plan to put myself first for a while & even after that whiles finished I still intend to make time for myself on a regular basis

So how am I going to do that, well at the moment life seems to fall into 5 catagories

Work
Family & Friends
Marathon training
Studying
Sleep

& while I envisage those 5 categories will remain for the forseeable future the amount of time I dedicate to each category each week needs to change

I am very fortunate to be in a position where I work for a company that allows me to reduce my hours and offers me some flexibility in some of the hours that I work and also that financially I can afford to take that step back, this is my last week of 40+ hour weeks, from next week I am down to 20, whoop whoop!!

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So what am I going to do with my new found free time, well first off I am going to catch up with all the friends I haven’t had a chance to see for the last few months, I am going to enjoy my newly purchased gym membership little bit more, have time to focus on my own weight loss, I am going to dig out my college books & get back into my nutrition course, continue with my marathon training & make time for some regular sports massages to ensure I get around the course in one piece & finally I am going to pencil in sometime each week to just sit down and do absolutely nothing

I am not very good at sitting still and doing nothing, so it will be interesting to see how long this focusing on me lasts but I hope its for a while, I feel like I have plenty of things planned to keep me busy and prevent me from getting bored & have the potential for a very good home / work balance, I even have a holiday planned with some friends, something I haven’t had time for in years.

How’s your home / work balance? Do you need to learn to be a bit selfish or do you have this sussed, if you have this stuff sussed, whats your secret?

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(ironically as this post goes live I have spent the weekend in bed getting over a cold, probably because for the last few weeks I haven’t stopped, definitely a wake up call that we need to schedule in some me time into out busy lives)

Are you giving anything up for Lent?

by ProjectHealthyFitMe, posted in General, Weight Loss

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I have never followed the practise of giving anything up for Lent before, mainly because I am not religious and also because as soon as I deprive myself of anything I want it more

Instead I have often committed to something i.e. one year I committed to be a better Weight Watcher and track my meals for the next 40 days, another year I committed to being more active and walk/run 100 miles over the 40 days of Lent

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But with the London Marathon fast approaching (74 sleeps) and my weight yo-yoing the same few lbs I have decided things need a shake up, and while I really do not like the idea of giving things up, I actually think it will do me good, I seem to be very all or nothing where food is concerned recently, eat like an angel for 6 days then eat my body weight in chocolate on the 7th

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So this year I have decided to commit to giving up 3 things

  1. Alcohol – I can hear many people gasping but for me this will be the easier of the 3 as I rarely drink and my friends know I am on a mad night out ban until after the marathon
  2. Chocolate – I can’t believe I am even considering this, I have decided its just chocolate I can’t have i.e. a Galaxy or Dairy Milk, chocolate biscuits and cake, I am still allowed things like protein bars, protein mug cakes etc, chocolate mousse as I would never usually accept these as a good enough substitute for chocolate
  3. Fizzy drinks – I am a diet pepsi addict, but need to replace my addiction with water as I am still struggling to drink even a litre of water a day

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I hate sharing pictures like this one but I really wanted to record my current shape somewhere & I know a lot less people read my blog than will see my Instagram page, hopefully at the end of Lent there will be a dramatic change (like the BodyCoach before and after pics) and I will be a bit less aprehensive about posting the pictures, although I can’t see me ever wanting to post a photo of me in a bikini or in underwear anytime soon

Have you ever given up anything for Lent, how did you get on, or are you giving up something this year